In a world where we look to Facebook to find out every minute detail of the lives of our close ( and most of the time, not so close) friends, there is nothing worse than an annoying Facebook status update.
Yes, I'm sure we've all fallen prey to updating our status with one of these Facebook status don'ts once or twice, however, this compilation of Facebook status faux-pas will make sure you don't make the same mistakes again.
1. Writing a status about someone who wrote a status about you doesn't make you better than them and doesn't make you look like a badass. It makes you look stupid. I bet you 10 bucks you wouldn't say half the stuff you said on your Facebook status to their face.
2. Any time you end your status with "Text me!" and your number, it is almost 100% likely that the one person you don't want to talk to will be blowing up your phone momentarily.
3. Don't post a vague status like "OMG I can't believe this is happening.", "Worst Day Ever and now in the worst mood." and then respond to comments with, "I don't want to talk about it." Obviously you posted this status to generate sympathy for your SUPER hard life and wanted the entirety of Facebook to feel bad for you, s0 wouldn't it just be easier to say what's on your mind and get to the point?
4. Chances are that when you've posted "OMGZZzzz SooOO DrunK!!!!" "JUST TOOK LKIE TEN SHTOS OMG CAN'T TPYE WRTIE SO DURNK" you're actually alone on a Friday night watching TV by yourself in your parents basement, stone sober. If you were actually out and drunk, posting about it on Facebook would be the least of your worries.
5. Nothing is worse than the devotional posts from one star-crossed lover to the other: " OMG LOVE MY BOYFRIEND SO MUCH, WE'LL BE TOGETHER ALWAYS&FOREVER", "My boyfriend is so awesome, love you so much boo! <3", "I miss my boyfriend so much, wahhh!". Okay.. We get it. You're in "love", which in actuality probably means you've been dating for two weeks. Do all of us on Facebook a favor and go work on your relationship in real life instead of posting about it on Facebook and maybe you really will end up "together forever" instead of another future divorce statistic.
6. Don't post lists. "Breakfast, Shower, Bathroom, Grocery Store, Gym, Shower, Lunch, Bathroom Break, Nap, Car ride to Movies, Movies, Car ride back from Movies, Dinner, Loungin', Bed. What a busy day!" No-one cares about the mundane activities you participate in throughout the day, you're not special. Chances are the majority of your Facebook friends are doing the same thing, the only difference is that they don't feel the need to post about it.
7. If you update your Facebook more than twelve times a day with random, non-sequitur crap that everyone could care less about, example: 10:05 am "OMG SO HAPPY JUST CLEANED MY ROOM AND NOW WATCHING VIDEOS OF ACROBATIC CATS!" 10:07 am "OMG FINISHED WATCHING CAT VIDEOS AND MOVED ON TO WATCHING VIDEOS OF SLEEPING PUPPIES! LOL", chances are you have no life and should go die.
8. Obvious weather updates do NOT make for quality/informative/relevant/interesting Facebook status posts. "Looks like it's snowing outside!", "OMG IS THIS WEATHER REAL RIGHT NOW?!", "SO COLD OUT!". No shit, Sherlock. Chances are the majority of your Facebook friends live within a 100 mile-radius of you and are experiencing the same weather phenomenon. If I wanted a meteorologist's report, I'd turn on the news, not my Facebook newsfeed.
9. Stop complaining about Facebook ON Facebook. "OMG HATE EVERYONE ON FACEBOOK!", "Facebook sucks.", "Seriously deleting my Facebook tomorrow." If you hate Facebook SO much, wouldn't it just make sense to delete your account? Threatening to delete your Facebook is the same as threatening to jump of the Brooklyn bridge. We all KNOW you're NOT going to do it, so why even bother mentioning it? All talk, no action, you look dumb.
Remember fellow bitchy girls, the next time you go to post a Facebook status, keep this rule of thumb in mind: if it involves any kind of thought-process or neuron-firing in your brain AT ALL, chances are it's a better Facebook post than any of those listed here.
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