The "Token" _____ Friend

No matter who you are or who you hangout with, we all have those "token" friends, the friends that are so predictable in their mannerisms, traits, and quirks, that they can be found within every friendship circle. Whether it be the Token Skinny Bitch or the Token Drama Queen, I'm sure that we can all attest to the fact that each token friend adds their own bit of flavor (and craziness) to the overall group dynamic. And honestly, lets face it, your group of friends just wouldn't be the same without them.

The Token Nice Girl

This is the friend that literally couldn't be mean to someone if you held a loaded gun to her head. She's down-to-earth, friendly, considerate, caring and people often look to find a reason to hate her because she's just so damn nice. Whether she’s telling you how genuinely pretty you look before you go out to the club or staying up all night to help you re-write your 20 page physics paper when your computer crashes and it's due the next morning and insists she doesn't mind, this friend is not only selfless but also truly caring. Never involved in any drama, sincerely liked by everyone, and always having your back, this is the one friend that every group of friends is lucky to have. Plus, it's always nice to have one normal and decent friend to bring home to your parents, right?

The Token Huge Bitch

The title says it all. Although you and your group of friends are most likely bitchy girls regardless, this friend out-bitches you all. She's blunt, she's rude, and she most likely does not give a fuck. Whether she's calling out that girl at your party for being a slut or telling another girl she's fat to her face, The Huge Bitch does not care what anyone thinks of her and is known for her constant shit-talking. Also known for her often combative personality, The Huge Bitch loves confrontation and is known for dumping drinks on "dumb bitches" heads, getting into screaming matches with girls that gave her a "dirty look", and going out of her way to start a fight with that girl who accidentally pushed you on the dance floor even though it was an accident. However, being friends with the Huge Bitch has it's benefits, because you know she'll defend you to the end when any other bitch gets in your way, often with a smile on her face. And honestly, what's better than that?

The Token Drama Queen

We all have the one friend who cannot stay away from drama even if she was deathly allergic. Whether it be the fact she's broken up with her boyfriend for the seventeenth time this week or that she can add yet another person to the lengthy list of people who hate her, everything that happens in this girl's life is A MAJOR DEAL and everyone she's friends with "needs to", and consequently will, hear about it. Many times these friends can be quoted as "hating drama" yet it is usually these very same friends who are a constant source of the thing they say they despise. Whether she's telling you about the "mean" way her boyfriend handed her a drink and how she's giving him the silent treatment until he apologizes or the "dirty look" her 85 year old half blind professor gave her during class that she KNOWS was on purpose because he hates her, even though he can't see, this friend's life is a never ending Soap Opera that we often can't tear ourselves away from.

The Token Wild Child

This is the friend who started regularly buying Newport 100's at seven and lost her virginity in an airplane bathroom during her eighth grade trip to Washington D.C. Whether she's spontaneously suggesting you all do lines in the library bathroom or rip shots together before your Intro to Writing Class at 8am, when you're with this friend you're guaranteed to have an outrageous time. When you're at the club, this is the friend who gets invited to the VIP section to drown herself in free Ciroc and Cristal and when you're at a concert, she's the friend that ends up on the tour bus hanging out with the band. Although many times we find ourselves questioning the sanity of this friend, we have to admit that we wouldn't have half the crazy/awesome memories we do if this friend hadn't suggest we'd done the stuff in the first place.

The Token Karen from Mean Girls

Admit it. We all have that one friend who wouldn't be able to remember how to spell her name correctly if we weren't there to constantly remind her. Often a little "slow", this friend is usually oblivious to everything around her. Oftentimes laughing 5-10 minutes after a joke and still not getting it, constantly asking questions, ( "My professor was talking about New Mexico so I asked him what happened to the Old one..."), and usually lacking any type of common sense, the most frequent word out of this friend's mouth is "Ohhhhhh". Often criticized for her stupidity, this friend still doesn't even realize her actions come off as less than intelligent. Even if it is true that her SAT scores were probably equivalent to that of a gold fish, we still love her regardless.

The Token Bro Hoe

Often a source of constant annoyance and embarrassment to the rest of the group, this is the one friend that is all over every living breathing person with a penis, regardless of where you are. Whether she's laughing too loudly at jokes that aren't funny with that weird guy at the bar or acting white girl wasted and dancing like a slut to attract the attention of that guy playing beer pong, the one mission of this friend, no matter who, where, or when, is to get it in with every/any guy within a 10-mile radius. Throwing herself all over guys, hot or not, is her specialty and no glaring girlfriend is going to get in her way. Many times these friends can be seen flirting with a guy like he's her last chance to get laid the night before and then complaining about "how annoying" he is the next morning. These friends can also be seen bragging about their "flexibility" or "double-jointed tongue" when talking to guys, usually to the dismay of the other friends. Even though the tactics of The Bro Hoe are sometimes suspect, you have to admit, the girl's success rate speaks for itself, however fortunate or (mainly) unfortunate it may be.

The Token Skinny Bitch

You know who she is, the one friend in the group who has the SMOKING hot body through no fault/effort of her own. Her only exercise routine is the walk to and from class, she goes on drunken Big Mac binges AT LEAST 3x a week, drinks Bud Heavy like water and still could be on the cover of Sports Illustrated with no retouching needed. Although many of the friends in the group secretly hope she instantly puts on 10 lbs when she goes up for her third helping of cheese fries in the caf, we all love her regardless. I mean let's face it, she's hot, and we don't hangout with ugly bitches do we?

The Token One-Upper

This is the friend that if you won an award for being a cheerleader in high school, she was a National Champ and coached the entire team singlehandedly. Never letting you just be happy for your accomplishments and successes, this friend always has to out-do everyone in the group, no matter the feat. Whether she got an A+ on a paper that you only got an A on or hooked up with the entire Baseball/Basketball/Football team at the same time after you went out on a date with one player, this friend always has to be the best and top EVERYTHING that you do. Regularly annoying and usually obnoxious the only way to deal with this friend is to just smile and know she's full of shit, which is typically how everyone is able to tolerate her anyways.

The Token Gay Best Friend

There's nothing better than the Token Gay Best Friend. Whether your both discussing that kid from your Stats class that looks like a slightly less hot version of John Mayer or shitting on the girl who works in the library for wearing tie-dye crocs with rainbow toe-socks, the Gay Best Friend is the one person who you can always go to when life gets tough and you need someone to make your day 10x better with gossip, fashion tips, and dating advice. Often keeping up the same if not better than most bitchy girls with popular culture, fashion trends, and campus gossip, the Gay Best Friend is probably one of most well informed and trusted members of the group, especially when it comes to their opinion. Whether your asking him if your new bra gives you backfat or if you should give a blowjob on the third date, the Gay Best Friend will always give you an honest answer, even if you don't want to hear it. The Gay Best Friend adds the perfect balance of male perspective to the group while also just being one of the (bitchy) girls, who could ask for anything better?

Top Ten Things You Should Stop Wearing If You Want to Become Some Type of Self-Respecting Normal Human Being with Friends at College

College is an exciting time for many young adults. It becomes a place not only to continue your education but also to help expand your social circles, networking opportunities, and ultimately help you learn more about yourself, inside and out.

Unfortunately, many of the people who attend College haven't taken the hint that although your Mother may have told you that its what on the inside that counts, all of your peers are decidedly judging you for what's being displayed on the outside.

We've all been there. You're sitting in the cafeteria and all of a sudden someone walks in wearing the most atrocious outfit you've ever seen that you actually have to cover your mouth from gagging up your overpriced and undercooked chicken patty sandwich. How could they leave the house actually believing that they looked decent enough to be seen in public? What cashier would allow any other decent human being to purchase such a horror? What manufacturer thought they could make money producing such a clothing abomination? We've all heard of College being referred to as a place where individuality, expression, and creativity are encouraged however, when it comes to the wardrobe of a college student, sometimes that free reign is taken too far. Some may call them "trends", some may actually allude to them as being "fashionable", however I like to refer to them as the Top Ten Things You Should Stop Wearing If You Want to Become Some Type of Self-Respecting Normal Human Being with Friends at College.

1. The Furry Stuffed Animal Hat.

You're not Sacajewea. You're not Pochahontas. This isn't the Artic Circle. It's not -28 degrees outside. Therefore, that large, distracting, and disturbingly furry animal pelt that is resting atop your head has no right to exist and should be burned immediately. Whoever thought that taking the stuffing out of a teddy bear and then selling it's limp body as a sad excuse for hat was a good idea was obviously smoking some type of addictive hallucinogenic drug.

2. Any type of Anime Apparel.

Alright, I'll admit it. Sailor Moon WAS cool, however that was during 2nd grade and I grew up. Take the hint, you should too. Putting your favorite awkwardly sexual japanese cartoon character on your clothing for all the world to see screams "Hi, You can find me on my computer 24 hours a day in my Mom's basement and I will consequently die a virgin. Nice to meet you."

3. Leggings as Pants

Leggings can be an appropriate substitute for tights and when worn correctly, don't even warrant a second-glance. However, when your camel toe starts to become the main attraction of your entire outfit then there becomes an issue.

4. Your Student I.D. and Matching Lanyard

Thank you for broadcasting to the world that a.) You are a Freshman and b.) You're wearing your student i.d. as a piece of jewelry. You should congratulate yourself on how dumb you look.

5. A Trenchcoat

Although this may be an acceptable fashion staple when worn during a rainstorm, the trenchcoat is not an appropriate part of any students wardrobe when its 80 degrees out and sunny on a College campus. Remember that there IS a reason that trenchcoats are usually reserved only for those people who a.) plan on exposing themselves to small children and b.) are trying to sell you stolen Chinese Rolex watches.

6. Pajamas and Bathrobes....as an Outfit.

Okay, we get it. You're tired, you didn't feel like putting on decent clothes or dressing up for class. However, there's a difference between throwing on yoga pants and a sweatshirt and actually believing that wearing a complete set of button down pajamas and matching robe and slippers in public is acceptable. Not only do you look lazy as fuck because you couldn't take the extra two minutes it takes to find a pair of jeans and a shirt, but you're also broadcasting the fact that your fashion sense could rival that of a homeless person. Go you!

7. Message T-Shirts

This trend may have been cool circa 1999 when a baby blue shirt that stated you were "100% Angel" was commonplace, however it's not 1999, its 2012 and instead of MMMbopping, Hanson is now fat and married. Message Tees assume that the entire world is unintelligent and unable to surmise anything unless it's wittily stated across your C-Cups. Wow, Jeez, if you hadn't worn that abrasively hot-pink shirt that screams "I'm Not Short, I'm Fun-Sized!" in glitter lettering, I would've never known you were short, even though you look like a legal midget, thanks so much for letting me know!....

8. Skinny Jeans....On Guys.

Newsflash: You're not Justin Bieber, therefore you need to refrain from raiding your younger sister's closet when looking for a clean pair of pants. Remember, there IS a reason that skinny jeans only come in girl's sizes. Aside from broadcasting the fact that your junk fits inside the small constricted crotch on a pair of skinny jeans and you're obviously not packing, you also look like a douche. In the end, Just Say No.

9. Crocs

Okay, first off, there literally is no valid argument for why you should own a pair of these shoes. They're ugly. Plain and simple. Whoever thought inventing a pair of foam rubber clogs riddled with puncture wounds was going to be the "fashion wave" of the future should be shot. If the fact that they're actually just plain disgusting doesn't stop you from buying them, the fact that you'll probably never get laid again while wearing them will.

10. Anything Ed Hardy

Yes, I'll admit in the past I may or may not have owned an Ed Hardy T-shirt. However, once I realized that owning anything Ed Hardy related instantly put you in the same class as the cast of the Jersey Shore, who only positively contribute to society when they're unconscious or sleeping, I realized the error of my ways. You should too.

Stop Updating Your Facebook Status, We Don't Care.

In a world where we look to Facebook to find out every minute detail of the lives of our close ( and most of the time, not so close) friends, there is nothing worse than an annoying Facebook status update.

Yes, I'm sure we've all fallen prey to updating our status with one of these Facebook status don'ts once or twice, however, this compilation of Facebook status faux-pas will make sure you don't make the same mistakes again.

1. Writing a status about someone who wrote a status about you doesn't make you better than them and doesn't make you look like a badass. It makes you look stupid. I bet you 10 bucks you wouldn't say half the stuff you said on your Facebook status to their face.

2. Any time you end your status with "Text me!" and your number, it is almost 100% likely that the one person you don't want to talk to will be blowing up your phone momentarily.

3. Don't post a vague status like "OMG I can't believe this is happening.", "Worst Day Ever and now in the worst mood." and then respond to comments with, "I don't want to talk about it." Obviously you posted this status to generate sympathy for your SUPER hard life and wanted the entirety of Facebook to feel bad for you, s0 wouldn't it just be easier to say what's on your mind and get to the point?

4. Chances are that when you've posted "OMGZZzzz SooOO DrunK!!!!" "JUST TOOK LKIE TEN SHTOS OMG CAN'T TPYE WRTIE SO DURNK" you're actually alone on a Friday night watching TV by yourself in your parents basement, stone sober. If you were actually out and drunk, posting about it on Facebook would be the least of your worries.

5. Nothing is worse than the devotional posts from one star-crossed lover to the other: " OMG LOVE MY BOYFRIEND SO MUCH, WE'LL BE TOGETHER ALWAYS&FOREVER", "My boyfriend is so awesome, love you so much boo! <3", "I miss my boyfriend so much, wahhh!". Okay.. We get it. You're in "love", which in actuality probably means you've been dating for two weeks. Do all of us on Facebook a favor and go work on your relationship in real life instead of posting about it on Facebook and maybe you really will end up "together forever" instead of another future divorce statistic.

6. Don't post lists. "Breakfast, Shower, Bathroom, Grocery Store, Gym, Shower, Lunch, Bathroom Break, Nap, Car ride to Movies, Movies, Car ride back from Movies, Dinner, Loungin', Bed. What a busy day!" No-one cares about the mundane activities you participate in throughout the day, you're not special. Chances are the majority of your Facebook friends are doing the same thing, the only difference is that they don't feel the need to post about it.

7. If you update your Facebook more than twelve times a day with random, non-sequitur crap that everyone could care less about, example: 10:05 am "OMG SO HAPPY JUST CLEANED MY ROOM AND NOW WATCHING VIDEOS OF ACROBATIC CATS!" 10:07 am "OMG FINISHED WATCHING CAT VIDEOS AND MOVED ON TO WATCHING VIDEOS OF SLEEPING PUPPIES! LOL", chances are you have no life and should go die.

8. Obvious weather updates do NOT make for quality/informative/relevant/interesting Facebook status posts. "Looks like it's snowing outside!", "OMG IS THIS WEATHER REAL RIGHT NOW?!", "SO COLD OUT!". No shit, Sherlock. Chances are the majority of your Facebook friends live within a 100 mile-radius of you and are experiencing the same weather phenomenon. If I wanted a meteorologist's report, I'd turn on the news, not my Facebook newsfeed.

9. Stop complaining about Facebook ON Facebook. "OMG HATE EVERYONE ON FACEBOOK!", "Facebook sucks.", "Seriously deleting my Facebook tomorrow." If you hate Facebook SO much, wouldn't it just make sense to delete your account? Threatening to delete your Facebook is the same as threatening to jump of the Brooklyn bridge. We all KNOW you're NOT going to do it, so why even bother mentioning it? All talk, no action, you look dumb.

Remember fellow bitchy girls, the next time you go to post a Facebook status, keep this rule of thumb in mind: if it involves any kind of thought-process or neuron-firing in your brain AT ALL, chances are it's a better Facebook post than any of those listed here.

The Despicable "K."

Whether you're a Crackberry addict or a part of Team iPhone, we've all experienced that painful moment when your phone vibrates after the twenty agonizing minutes you spent waiting for a response to your detailed and thoughtful text message, only to open the text and see a glaring and obnoxious "K." looking back at you from the screen.

Although there may be a plethora of other annoying cellphone faux-pas, none may be as loathsome as this one letter death sentence. What does it mean? Who deemed it appropriate? Are you not even worth the "O" before it?

Perfect example. You're in the middle of a texting conversation with a new guy and thought you just cleverly responded to something he said, only to receive "K." as his response.

What do you do? Do you change the subject and play it off like it didn't happen? Resend the same text and hope he responds with something different? End the conversation completely?

With no surefire way to respond, a whole new world opens up when you start wondering what does it mean? Which in turn, allows for the endless slew of unanswered and increasingly paranoid questions to start to occur; Did he not like my response? Does he not like me? Is he not interested? Is he too busy doing something else to write more? If he's busy what is he doing? Is he with another girl? Is she prettier than me? I bet she 's way skinner and has bigger tits. Why am I so fat?.....

And the list/night of crying yourself to sleep after gorging on Ben and Jerry's Half Baked and painstakingly analyzing every word of every single one of your text messages sent to find out what you possibly could've done wrong, goes on.

"K." can also turn what seemed to be an innocent conversation between friends into a full blown bitchfight.

Perfect example. You're stoked about the great night you had with a new guy and text one of your closest friends asking her if she wants to grab lunch and discuss the details and potential of your date. Your phone dings and your open her response..."K."

Excuse me? Does she not care about the great time you had? Is she PMSing? Is she doing something more important and is too busy to hangout with you? Wait, nothing's more important than you, Screw Her!

Nothing can dampen a mood more than that despicable letter.

How can one letter be so awful and turn what seemed to be a simple conversation into a paranoid, misinterpreted, agonizing death trap? Although I'm sure there are many theories, ideas, and opinions on ways to remedy such a tricky situation, my belief on the matter is simple. The next time someone sends "K" to you as a response to your text message, remember this: "K." may be a one letter response, but "F U" is two letters and helps gets the point across a whole lot quicker.